The English Fascist’s Dilemma

This weekend fascists came to London and fought the police in Parliament Square, and one even urinated on the memorial plaque of PC Keith Palmer who died protecting civilians from Islamic terrorists, giving fascists around the great nation of England an unexpected dilemma.

These last few weeks have been a fantastic period for English fascists, revelling in the events that have followed the murder of George Floyd by police in Minnesota on the 25th May.

They have delighted in spreading their trite and fairly demented “All Lives Matter” slogan in response to every Black Lives Matter post on the internet, they have reminded people about Lee Rigby and Emily Jones at every turn, and sat in their rooms masturbating to thoughts of Muslim paedophile rings while ejaculating out comments of “young white girls lives matter” on literally every post on the internet they see.

In England BLM protests were held all around the country, with fighting between the police and protestors giving cause to the fascists to once again abuse the protestors in the name of protecting the honourable English Bobby.

In Bristol on the 7th of June the statue of slave-trader Edward Colston was ripped down from its platform by a group of protestors and dumped into the sea, to lie in the depths and suffer a fate which thousands of his slaves had suffered on the Atlantic voyage to the New World.

All around the UK debate has raged about statues, from the English colonialist mass murderer Cecil Rhodes to the Nazi-linked founder of the scouts Robert Baden-Powell, and basically any English person in the 17th and 18th century to get a statue because they were all linked with the slave trade.

For English fascists this was brilliant, again they could wage their bedroom laptop terror against the people who are seeking to destroy our history, as though we learn history from statues. And then Winston Churchill himself was defaced, by protestors spray-painting the words “was a racist” after his name on his statue in Parliament Square.

The truth hurts, and it hurt so much that on Saturday the 13th of June thousands of English fascists descended on London to “protect our statues”.

Most of these were supporters of Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, who uses the pseudonym Tommy Robinson, most likely to hide his Irish immigrant heritage, and a collection of various white supremacists and football hooligans who had had nothing to do since the curtailing of sport because of covid-19.

But the fascists had been drinking lager all day, and ugly scenes followed where they threw bottles and other objects at the police, generally shouted abuse at them and provoked angry scenes, with the police responding violently to the protests, as is their wont.

BLM, for its part, had cancelled their planned protests so as to avoid an angry confrontation with the fascists, proving themselves to be by far the most sensible and mature of the two groups as well as actually having the right views.

One of the fascists had had too much to drink, and needed a piss, but was being kettled by the police outside the Houses of Parliament. He momentarily forgot that he was there to protect statues and heritage and decided to go for a slash next to the memorial to PC Keith Palmer, the officer who was stabbed to death while defending civilians in a terrorist attack on Westminster Bridge in 2017.

For the English fascist this has made quite the dilemma – do I support fascist protestors or do I oppose police violence? Do I support the freedom to have a piss or do I condemn one of my own for literally pissing on the grave of an English martyr to the Islamic takeover of the world?

So spare a thought for the English fascist this week. Reports are already coming through of increased suicide rates, and for this too we should feel their pain. It is not as easy as in America where you can just buy a gun and shoot yourself in the head, and they can’t jump in front of a London Underground train because when someone does that they always complain that you shouldn’t inconvenience commuters.

This writer suggests they use the ancient art of buying a large potato and stuffing it up their arse so it is wedged in nicely and won’t come out even if said fascist has second thoughts, then wait for their shit to rupture their insides and die a slow death of acidic poisoning. This will have the added benefit that the medical and other professionals who have to deal with their putrid corpse are most probably BAME.

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