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Will TikTok start World War 3?

TikTok logo

Just when you think your journalistic day is done, the Twiterverse throws you a curveball. OK, so the title might be a bit clickbait like, but TikTok do have 3 of the world’s nuclear powers in a bit of a spat.

If you’ve not heard of, or use TikTok it merely means you are not A) A Japanese school girl, or B) a pedo. I’ll assume you are neither and give a brief intro. TikTok is an app that really young people love. It allows schoolgirls to lip sync to very short music videos and nonces to watch them. In many respects it is the perfect example of the difference of generations. I am old, so therefore I think it is shit. Shit though it may be, it is damned popular and now it would appear slap bang in the middle of a diplomatic row.

Lets start with the basics, everyone is scared of China, China built TikTok, so therefore TikTok are part of a grand plan to take over the world. Enter India stage left. India lost a border spat with China and not really fancying a war they would undoubtedly lose did the next best thing, they banned some apps. Now whilst that might sound like a pussy move they actually banned 61 Chinese apps, with the most prominent being TikTok. All we hope is they didn’t ban TanTan (you either get that or you don’t). India claimed it was due to national security, but the world knew it was because they were sore losers.

Enter US of A. Donald Trump needs anything that will take his mind off of his emptying election loss and the 3 million plus coronavirus cases in America, so has started to dabble in Hong Kong. Apparently the Donald was funding Hong Kong rioters whilst his country was burning to the ground due to Black Lives Matter protestors.

As none of it was taking much heat from him he decided to pipe in on the National Security Law in Hong Kong. Would it be war? Would it be sanctions? Would it be a covert operation? No it would be fucking TikTok!

The US are now threatening to ban this inane app from the home of the free and land of the brave. America want to ban an app which gives a platform to dancing schoolgirls. This has made the Chinese extremely angry. Forget Cold Wars, or World War 3, we are about to hit the final battle of the Hypocrite Wars!

Lets start with America….

America are taking into serious consideration banning an app that has no ties to politics and isn’t even hosted in China to protest against democracy and press freedom being eroded in Hong Kong. Let that sink in for a few minutes. Seems stupid right? China says “hold my pint America”.

I’m not exactly sure if the communists of China were trying to troll America on this one, but China are super pissed that America would even dream of banning TikTok. That’s right China, the same China who ban Facebook, Twitter, Google and even YouTube. China are now lecturing China on why they shouldn’t ban stuff, and America are saying fuck you China we ban what we want.

And then there’s India. India are trying to look important because they lost a border skirmish. There are talk of them making their own version of TikTok which might be as successful as their impending cure for COVID-19.

Stupid on the interwebz is not exactly uncommon, but when it is Hypocritical War between 3 nuclear armed nations about TikTok it becomes rather amusing….

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