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National Short Day

In the old days, all we had to remember was Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and the birthdays of close family. Then at some point the bastards at the card making companies got together and decided they needed to sell more cards. Since then it has been a nuclear holocaust of “special days.”

If parents get a day, why not grandparents, children, teachers and on and on and on it went. At some point, someone decided we needed a national short people’s day.

National Short Peoples Day is held on the 22nd December every year, annoyingly just before Christmas. This means you not only have to educate people about national short day but also expect them to buy you a present three days before Christmas, not ideal.

History of National Short People Day

A quick check on the national short people website does not give much on the way of the history of the event, instead only giving anecdotes about how Napoleon wasn’t all that short and that “great things come in small packages.” In fact, it does not even say how short you have to be to qualify but seeing as there is also a national midget day, you’d assume you need to at least be taller than a midget. In this respect, they seem to treat “shortness” much like sexuality in that it is a “state of mind.”

The closest the site comes to giving history is stating that in 1996 a company started selling platform shoes to make short people look taller.

How Do You Celebrate National Short Day?

Having never celebrated this holiday, I shall merely state how I intend to celebrate National Short Day in 2020.

Tell everyone how oppressed short people are – Much how being bi, or 1/32 Cherokee Indian gets you out of “white guilt,”. Push the narrative that short people are marginalized. Even if you are a white CIS male, you will be absolved of blame related to slavery etc.

Celebrate other short people – From Ronnie Corbett to Wee Man in jackass try to bore your friends with examples of how short people have benefited society. On short day declare them revolutionaries and demand statues of them to replace ones of racists such as Gandhi.

Watch definitely not exploitative Midget Boxing, or take your friends on some Napoleonic War Tours. After all, Napoleon is basically the patron saint of small man syndrome.

And that is the lowdown on National Short Day, enjoy.

Update:

December 22nd is national short day, but there is also December 22nd, which is “national short girl appreciation day”. We’re not sure if it’s sexist that one day celebrates “people” and other celebrates “short girls”. We’re also unsure if it means that in this woke era were allowed to fetishise short women on this day, or not.

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