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UK Resembles Dying Days of USSR as Primark Finally Open

The UK confirmed its status as one of the most tragic chav ridden countries on earth as people lined up for hours to go to Primark.

For those not familiar with the uniquely British chain that is Primaries, a clothes retailer in the UK that buys en masse from the third world in order to sell copies amounts of cheap clothes to the UK population.

It does not take a rocket scientist to work out that business models like this tend to be economic with how the workers in the third world countries producing the garments are treated and frankly blasé when with regards to the buy now throw away culture doing so much to the planet. Yet above all this, the masses REALLY love Primark.

Today and after three months of lockdown, non-essential shops are finally open, and nothing says non-essential more than a place where underpants can be brought 3 for a quid.

According to reports in the Huffington Post, some of the shoppers began lining up as early as 5 am. Some wore face masks, some even wore full-length plastic space suits to protect from coronavirus, but the majority followed the lead of Dominic Cummings and did bugger all.

The enclosed store which was letting in tens of thousands of shoppers in its 153 stores did put up signs saying “please keep to social distancing,” which will almost certainly help as two chavs battle in hand to hand combat for the last pair of Bangladeshi made thongs.

The UK high street has famously been losing prestige over the years, as stores have slowly closed due to the onslaught of the online budget retailers. Now with our high streets resembling bread lines that characterized the dying days of the Eastern Bloc, their destruction is complete.

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